Essence of Desire Read online

  He could hear his brother’s sleepy yawn before he asked, ”What exactly are you looking for, Trask?”

  Trask thought about Alex’s question. It was time to show Andrew Gardner that he wasn’t the only one who could make power plays. He smiled as a word Clayton had used tonight suddenly came to his mind. “Dirt. I want dirt and plenty of it.”

  Ten

  Felicia woke up bright and early Christmas morning, thinking that this would be a day Austin remembered for a long time. Although he had had a number of presents under the tree, she knew he considered his best gift of all to be the one he had received early: a daddy for the holidays.

  She released a long, deep sigh as she got out of bed. She had made a decision to push Andrew Gardner’s visit to the back of her mind and not let the man ruin her holidays. She simply refused to let him take away her joy for the season. Worrying about his threat would be a waste of energy, and she needed all of her energy for a little boy who would wake up in an hour or so, excited and happy.

  As Felicia went into the bathroom she thought about Trask-- a man who she had always considered nothing more than a thorn in her side . . . until recently. In the last two days, he had become her mountain of strength, someone she could lean on.

  A warm contented feeling swelled inside her when she thought about the tall, broad-shouldered, powerfully built man who had shown nothing but gentle kindness to her son. A man who two nights ago had offered himself to her in a way no other man had ever done--honorably and unselfishly--when he’d suggested they marry. She considered it amazing how their relationship had changed. Even her uncles had noticed the harmony between them at Austin’s play the other night.

  All of them had watched her and Trask with curious and cautious eyes, as if they were seeing it, but not believing it. Everyone was so used to them constantly sniping at each other. Her uncle Lee had informed her that everyone was assuming she and Trask had called a truce for the holidays because of Austin. They just hoped and prayed that none of them were around when the truce ended and things with her and Trask got back to what they considered normal.

  Liquid heat gathered low in Felicia’s abdomen when she thought of the kisses they’d been sharing recently. In her opinion, the kisses were no longer enough. It seemed that each and every time they kissed things got hotter and heavier, and their passions flared fast and furious.

  Like last night.

  After he had put the last training wheel on Austin’s bicycle, he placed his tools aside, stood, and turned to her. She had been standing against the doorframe of the living room, watching him and, all the while, appreciating the look of his big, muscular body.

  “Come here.”

  Without any regard for the slight command in his voice, she had walked into his arms for the kiss she knew awaited her there. His taste had been dark. It had been alluring. It had been seductive. No man had ever made her feel the way Trask made her feel, both physically and mentally.

  Realization suddenly gripped Felicia, almost staggered her when it dawned on her just why she felt that way. She had fallen in love with Trask. She struggled to catch her breath and knew it would be useless to go into cardiac arrest about it. She should have been smart enough to read the handwriting on the wall weeks ago when he had become a nightly invader of her dreams.

  And if she were real smart, she would admit she probably loved him for quite some time. What other reason could there be for sniping at him all those years unless it had been to hide her true feelings. She had been the one to start a scrapbook on him when he’d first begun getting media recognition in high school, and she kept it updated since. She had been the one who had cried a river of tears on Trask’s mother’s shoulder the night he had gotten injured in that game against the Broncos. And she had been the one to bully and harass him into enduring the many months of physical therapy that had followed.

  All because deep down she had loved him.

  She leaned against the bathroom sink as she tried to get her bearings. Now that she knew she loved Trask, what was she going to do about it?

  ***

  Felicia took a deep breath when she heard the soft knock at the door. Trask had said he would be coming over early. He wanted to be there when Austin got out of bed.

  When she opened the door, he smiled at her and her heart became filled with an indescribable feeling of love. “Good morning, Felicia. Merry Christmas.”

  Her eyes locked with his for five long seconds and she wondered how on earth could she have wasted her years fighting with him when she could have been loving him. She returned his smile. “Good morning, Trask. Merry Christmas to you, too.”

  He stepped inside her house, closed the door behind him, and placed a huge shopping bag filled with gifts on the floor. She saw him glance around to make sure Austin hadn’t gotten up yet before reaching out and pulling her into his arms to kiss her. She could feel the heat of him through the pair of jeans and pullover sweater she had put on.

  A minute or two later, he pulled back slightly. “Kissing you isn’t enough anymore, sweetheart,” he whispered.

  Felicia smiled up at him. She had thought the same thing earlier. “I’ve been wondering when you were going to figure that out.”

  Trask shook his head, chuckling. “Are you trying to be a temptress?”

  Her smile widened. “Would I ever?” she asked softly, cuddling closer to his body.

  He immediately thought of the night she had unexpectedly shown up at his place, showing quite a bit of legs and thighs. “Yes, you would.”

  She moved her body seductively and suggestively against his. “Then I guess I am.”

  The movement made Trask groan deep in his throat. “You’re something else--you know that?”

  Just for good measure she rubbed her body against his again. “Yeah, I got it from a very reliable source that I’m a pain in your rear end.”

  Trask leaned down and lightly brushed her lips with his. “Yes, you used to be. Now you’re a pain in my front end. I ache for you all the time, baby. Feel?”

  Felicia felt his hardness pressed against her. The feel of him would have weakened her defenses if she’d had any. “Yes, I feel it.” She then looked at him. She wanted to see his facial reaction with her next words. “And I want it.”

  Trask’s eyes darkened with heat. His expression became taut with desire. He leaned forward as his hand cupped the back of her neck to bring her mouth to meet his when the pitter-pat of little feet sounded on the hardwood floors. They stepped apart mere seconds before Austin raced into the room.

  “Mommy! Daddy! Has Santa come yet?”

  ***

  Trask, Felicia, and Austin spent Christmas Day together. After opening all the presents under the tree and then exchanging some others, they enjoyed a delicious Christmas breakfast. Then the visitors started arriving.

  First Felicia’s mother came by bearing gifts. And before noon, all of her uncles had dropped by, except for her Uncle Jonathan, who was Clayton’s father. Since she would be joining her uncle Jonathan and his family for Christmas dinner, she had not expected a visit from him. As was tradition, Austin would be spending the night with Uncle Jonathan and Aunt Marilyn. All of their grandkids would be spending Christmas night under their roof, and Austin had always been included in that number. It gave all the younger cousins a chance to spend some time together. Felicia wondered how Uncle Jonathan and Aunt Marilyn handled all of them. Justin, their oldest son, had three kids; their second son, Dex, had two; and their daughters Traci and Kattie had one each. Adding Austin to the mix meant a total of eight kids.

  Putting the last of the wrapping paper that had gotten thrown over the floor in the trash, Felicia walked out of her living room and headed for Austin’s bedroom. He and Trask had been in there for an hour or so building something with the Lego blocks that Trask had given him for Christmas.

  She slowed her steps when she reach Austin’s bedroom door. She was about to open it when she heard her son’s question.


  “Daddy, you’ll stay until New Year’s, won’t you? You won’t be leaving me before then, will you?”

  Felicia heard the worried tone in her son’s voice. Cocking her head, she listened for Trask’s response. “No, I won’t be leaving before then.”

  “I wished you were a forever daddy; then you wouldn’t have to go. I love you.”

  She could hear the tightness in Trask’s throat when he replied, “And I love you, too, Austin.”

  Backing up, Felicia returned to the living room. She’d almost forgotten that Trask was only supposed to be a part of their lives until New Year’s Day. And that was only a week away. She wondered how her son would handle it when his holiday fantasy ended. She wondered how she would.

  Her son wanted a forever daddy, and now she found herself wanting a forever lover.

  It was almost ten o’clock that night when they returned to Felicia’s home from having dinner with her uncle and aunt. More nervous than she could ever remember being around Trask, Felicia opened the door and let them inside her house. She had left all the lights off except for the one in the kitchen.

  “I’ll get the lights,” she said, moving toward the table lamp not far from the door.

  After the room was bathed in brightness, Trask’s footsteps echoed softly on the hardwood floor when he came up behind her. “And I’ll get this,” he said, turning her into his arms.

  Felicia knew she was lost the moment their lips touched. She also knew that a few steaming-hot kisses would not satisfy either of their hungers tonight. And from the way he was kissing her, she could tell he knew that as well. She also knew he intended on doing something about it.

  And she thought it was about time.

  She returned his kiss with as much passion as he was putting into it. It was a kiss that sent the pit of her stomach into a wild swirl and demanded a response from her.

  So she gave him one. Then several.

  The feel of Trask’s muscular arms around her, holding her firm against him, sent a burning desire and an aching need throughout every part of her body. She instinctively moved against him, eliciting a moan from deep within his throat. He pulled back and looked down at her.

  “Felicia.”

  The breathlessness in his voice stimulated the full length of her spine. The look on his face sent her pulse racing. There was a raw, sensual look of need in the dark depths of his eyes. She lifted her arms to circle his neck and brought his mouth back down to hers to feed more greedily off the hot, sensuous taste of him. She had never been more aware of the full height of her desires until now.

  “I want to get inside you,” he growled raspily as he placed series of slow, shivery kisses along the side of her neck.

  A delicious shudder tore through Felicia’s body. He kissed her again, and the wanting displayed in the kiss she returned was just as hungry, urgent, and desperate. The low, primal moan from deep within her throat pushed him over the edge.

  He wanted her. He wanted to get wrapped up in those legs and thighs she often used to tempt him.

  Trask tugged at Felicia’s sweater, pulling it over her head, then tossing it aside. Exposing her breasts to his view made him hotter, hungrier. The need to taste them became elemental. So he did just that.

  The feel of Trask’s mouth on her sent heat flowing straight to the very core of Felicia. His teeth nipped, scraped, and branded her. She surrendered, gasping for air when a multitude of sensations raced through her body. She was vaguely aware of him pulling her down on the huge Oriental rug on the floor.

  His hand then moved lower to the top of her jeans. He slid the zipper down as far as he could, then inserted his fingers inside the opening, determined to discover what she did or did not wear under her clothes. He released a deep, tormented groan when he touched her intimately; and at the same time a flood of heat slashed through Felicia’s entire body with his touch.

  Felicia saw the hot tide of desire rise in Trask’s features. His breathing quickened when he withdrew his hand and quickly began removing her shoes and socks. He then tugged impatiently at her jeans as if it was of grave importance to take them off her.

  She felt his urgency, and she shared his white-hot greed. Easing up, she let him pull her jeans down, then off her. Then he peeled off the very skimpy, very sexy, and very provocative pair of silk g-string panties.

  Almost frantic with a need that matched Trask’s, Felicia got on her knees and reach up to remove his shirt, nearly tearing it off him. Then she began placing hot, torrid kisses all over his chest while her impatient fingers frantically worked at this belt buckle. Easing his zipper down, she eased her hand inside his jeans, as he’d done her earlier, and felt the hardness of him. She desperately needed to feel that part of him inside of her.

  Felicia’s touch electrified every nerve in Trask’s body. Never had he been so totally consumed by uncontrolled passion. When she freed that part of him from the confines of his jeans, he barely restrained himself before pushing her back, straddling her, cupping her hips in his hands, and thrusting inside her. Settling hard and deep in the very core of her, his mouth absorbed her moan, as well as his own.

  With an urgency that had blood pounding in his head, sweat popping off his brow and breath ripping from his lungs; he moved inside of her. Her hips shot upward to cradle him when the tempo of his strokes increased. And when she locked her legs around him, to hold him tight, he groaned out his release at the same time that he heard her groan out hers. Their sounds echoed in the room as they were thrown into a wave of turbulent completeness.

  Even after that shattering release, Trask couldn’t stop his strokes from coming fast and furious at an increased pace. He threw his head back and held her hips in place with his big hands as he continued to thrust deeper and deeper. Being inside her was making him crazed. It was as if his body couldn’t get enough of her hot, feminine flesh. He continued to thrust into her, stronger and harder. And then he felt her convulse beneath him as pleasure once again rammed into her body, he screamed out her name when a second climax overtook them. He pressed himself deeper inside of her when they were both rocked hard into oblivion.

  Trask mumbled something she couldn’t hear. And for a while Felicia was too drained to ask him to repeat himself. In fact, she didn’t think she could move and was just beginning to breathe again.

  She felt Trask lift himself off her. Then he slid free of her. “Let’s go to bed,” he suggested. His voice was a guttural whisper as he picked her up into his strong arms and carried her to the bedroom. He kissed her before putting her on the bed and began removing the rest of his clothes.

  “That was the first time that I’ve ever made love to a woman and not given any thought to using these,” Trask said, getting the foil packet out of his wallet.

  “That’s okay. I’m on the pill, remember?” Felicia said.

  Trask nodded, placing the condoms aside. He did remember. During their senior year in high school, a doctor had placed Felicia on the pill to help alleviate her bout with painful cramps each month. He shook his head, thinking just how much personal information they had shared with each other during that time.

  Coming back to the bed he joined her there, gathering her into his arms. His hands began touching her again, everywhere, and she felt the heat in her flare up once more.

  “Now we’ll take it slow and easy,” he whispered huskily, before devouring her mouth. And once again the two of them gave in to their desires.

  ***

  The only sounds in the room were Trask and Felicia’s attempts to breathe normal again. He lay on top of her. Her arms were wrapped tightly around his neck, and her temptingly delicious legs and thighs were tangled with his. Their bodies were still joined and neither of them was ready to break the intimate connection.

  Trask raised his head and looked down at Felicia before placing a gentle kiss on her lips. “Marry me.”

  She traced her finger along his smooth jaw and cheek. “Because of Andrew Gardner’s threat?”

&
nbsp; His large hand covered her fingers and held them in place on his face. “No. Because I love you, and I want to be with you always. I want to spend the rest of my life loving you, making up for all the time we’ve lost when we were constantly fussing and fighting with each other.”

  Tears shimmered in Felicia’s eyes. “Oh, Trask. I love you, too. I think I always have. That’s probably why I harassed you all these years: to get noticed.”

  He leaned down and placed another kiss on her lips, finding joy in the fact that she loved him, too. “Trust me. You were noticed. I’ve been fighting my own attraction to you for some time. That’s the reason I asked Syneda to swap you as my partner at the wedding. Being around you would have driven me insane. I was trying hard to fight my feelings for you and my attraction to you.”

  He tucked a loose tendril of hair behind her ear. “I also want to marry you because I love your son, and I want to make him mine. He already has my heart, and I want to give him my name. I want to be more than a holiday dad to Austin. I want to be that forever daddy--the one who’ll be there for him when the going gets rough as well as during the smooth times. I want to be the father to him that I never had.”

  He looked deep into her eyes. “No matter what happens with the Gardners, I won’t be marrying you because of that. I want to marry you because you’ve always been a part of my life, and I’ve discovered recently just how much I like having you there. I want to start this New Year off right with you, Austin, and me as a family. Let’s get married on New Year’s Day.”

  New Year’s Day? That’s only a week away, Felicia thought. “Are you absolutely sure?”

  “Yes. I’ve never been surer of anything in my life.”

  Felicia grinned. “The family won’t believe it. They’ll all go bonkers.”

  Trask chuckled. “Yeah, I know, but it won’t be anything new. The two of us have always managed to stir up anxiety in our families anyway. So what about it? Will you marry me on New Year’s Day?”