Essence of Desire Read online

  “He said hi to you, too, Mommy, didn’t he?”

  Felicia smiled down at her son. “Yes, sweetheart, he did.”

  “My daddy’s super, isn’t he?”

  For once Felicia had to agree. “Yes, he sure is.”

  Nine

  If asked, Felicia would have admitted that she’d had a funny feeling all day that something bad was going to happen. She tried dismissing the thought since it was the week of Christmas and everything had been going great so far. But she knew that the period of holiday bliss was about to come to an end when she glanced up from arranging a few sale items on display and saw Steven’s father walk into her shop.

  The first question that came to her mind was, what was he doing in Texas? Houston was a long way from Los Angeles. Not for one minute did she think he had finally come to visit his grandson since he had never acknowledged Austin since the boy had been born.

  The one and only time the Gardners had seen Austin had been when they had paid a visit to the hospital the morning after she had delivered. Even then, they were trying to convince her to get out of their son’s life.

  Felicia stopped what she was doing and watched the elegantly dressed older man’s approach. During the ten months that Felicia had been married to Steven, she discovered that, more than anything, Andrew Gardner loved power. Power to make people do whatever he wanted them to. That was one of the reasons Steven constantly defied him.

  “Mr. Gardner, this is a pleasant surprise.” Felicia forced the words out to the man, who was glancing around her shop. And the look of disapproval on his face was evident and it spoke volumes.

  “I should have known you’d be running some type of place like this, Felicia,” Andrew Gardner thundered, ignoring the fact that she had a few customers in her shop.

  Knowing whatever he had to say to her was better done in private, Felicia said, “Evidently there’s a reason for your visit. We can talk in my office.” Without saying another word, she led the way.

  No sooner had her office door closed behind them than Andrew Gardner decided to get straight to the point of his surprise visit. “I want my grandson.”

  Felicia shook her head, certain she had misunderstood the man’s words. “You want to visit with him?”

  Andrew Gardner’s gaze flickered over her as if she was daft. “No, I don’t want to visit him. I want custody of him. Elvia hasn’t been herself since Steven’s death. Having the boy around will do her some good.”

  Complete outrage took over Felicia’s body. Did they think Austin was some kind of a toy for Elvia Gardner to play with? “How dare you come here and demand my son? Neither of you have acknowledged him since he was born. Not once have you come to visit him, nor have you done something as simple as pick up a phone to call him or write him a few lines.”

  She went to stand before the man. “I’ve sent you pictures of him every year and you’ve never acknowledged them. Even Steven was a poor excuse for a father since he never visited or called Austin either. And now you have the nerve to come here and insinuate you want custody.”

  Andrew Gardner’s gaze darkened, and he straightened his body to stand erect to his full six feet five inches. It was a gesture that was made to intimidate. “I’m doing more than insinuating. I’m telling you what Elvia and I plan on doing. The reason we never acknowledged your son is because we never believed he was really Steven’s although Steven claimed that he was. All the members in our family have very light complexions and your son did not favor any of us.”

  “That’s because he favored me,” Felicia stormed, pointing to the cocoa coloring of her skin. She was livid at the thought that the reason they had never accepted Austin as their grandchild was because he hadn’t been born light enough.

  “I suggest you leave now, Mr. Gardner, or I won’t be responsible for my actions.”

  “Fine. But hear this, young lady. You are not fit to be the mother of my grandchild and this place proves it. I’m going to make sure my attorneys expose you as the unfit mother that you are. We know you only married Steven for his money and that’s why I made damn sure you didn’t get one penny. And I know about your second husband and that you married him for money as well. You’re nothing but a gold digger. If you were any sort of a decent woman, you would be married now and providing my grandson with some sense of family stability. If you want to play hard, that’s fine with us. You will definitely be hearing from our lawyers.”

  A speechless Felicia watched as the older man walked out of her office.

  ***

  Trask knew that something was bothering Felicia when he arrived at her home to take Austin on their preplanned drive around the city to see the Christmas lights. Although she consented to go along with them for the ride, she had very little to say. That was definitely not like Felicia.

  Even after they returned to her home, and she had fed them another wonderful home-cooked meal, she had been unusually quiet. It was only after Austin had been put to bed that he got the chance to question her about it.

  He stood in the doorway of her kitchen, watching as she put the last of the dishes away. “Would you like to tell me what’s bothering you?”

  “What makes you think something is bothering me?” she snapped at him. “You think you know me so well, but you don’t. You don’t know anything and--”

  Felicia stopped talking and covered her face with her hands, unable to deal with all she had been through that day.

  Trask came farther into the room. Something swept through him when he saw her composure crumbling. He walked over to her and pulled her into his arms. “Hey, what’s the matter? Talk to me, Felicia. What’s bothering you? You know you can tell me anything. You always have.”

  Felicia was intensely aware of her small body being enveloped in Trask’s larger one as he held her to comfort her. And the warmth of his hand caressing her back as he tried to console her. His strength suddenly became the fortitude she desperately needed right then. His strength became hers as she tried to deal with what she was going through.

  After Mr. Gardner left her shop she had refused to give in and call her family. Over the years they had always been there for her to run to and, in some cases, hide behind. But now, she was determined that this one time she would handle things on her own. She just hadn’t realized doing so would be so hard. And she hadn’t counted on being this scared. The Gardners were heartless, callous people who would stop at nothing to get what they wanted. And right now, they wanted Austin. There was no way she would ever let them have her son.

  “Talk to me, sweetheart.”

  Trask’s tender request made Felicia lift her head from his chest. She raised her gaze and met his and paused, startled by something she saw in his eyes. Or was it something in her eyes that was reflecting in his? At that moment, she was too stunned at the way she suddenly felt to decipher which of the two it was. Evidently so was Trask. Instead of trying to figure anything out, they leaned into each other and did something the both of them had wanted to do again since the night she had shown up at his place.

  They kissed. And they kept right on kissing.

  Trask’s mouth relentlessly tasted Felicia’s, using his tongue to explore, enthrall, and entrance. A part of him hungered for her. It wanted her in a way he had never ever wanted another woman. And he needed her in a way that he didn’t think was possible for any human to need another. But he wanted more than just a form of sexual release. He wanted to discover things with this new Felicia that went beyond the bedroom. He wanted to be a constant and permanent part of her life. And he wanted to make her son his.

  Trask suddenly broke off their kiss and took in a long, deep breath when it hit him hard and heavy that he was in love with Felicia and probably had been for some time. That realization got her hauled back up against him as his mouth covered hers once again. This time, unknown to her, there was a promise in his kiss. There was a solid determination there, too. Somehow, someway, Felicia would come to love him as much as he loved her. He w
ould make sure of it. Their years of habitual squabbling were about to end. Now what he wanted to look forward to was a lifetime of loving.

  Picking her up in his arms, he walked out of her kitchen and into her living room. He sat down on the sofa with her cradled tenderly in his lap.

  “Okay, tell me what’s wrong, Felicia.”

  Felicia’s face quivered as she tried not to break down again. For a short while, Trask’s kisses had made her forget. “They’re trying to take Austin away from me,” she said softly, not meeting Trask’s gaze.

  Trask stared down at her, confused. He reached out and placed his finger under her chin and tipped it up so their gazes could meet. “Who’s trying to take Austin away from you?”

  Felicia couldn’t stop the single tear that fell from her eyes. “Steven’s parents. Mr. Gardner came to see me today. He said I’m unfit and that they would take me to court to get Austin.” Tear glazed, pleading eyes stared at Trask. “But I won’t let them have him, Trask. I won’t.”

  Trask pulled her closer into his arms and kissed her forehead. “Of course you won’t.” He gently rocked her in his arms before saying, “I arrived back in town around noon today. Why didn’t someone call and tell me what was going on? I saw Clayton before coming over here tonight, and he didn’t mention anything about this.”

  Felicia released a deep sigh. “He doesn’t know. No one in my family knows. You’re the only one I’ve told.”

  Trask stared at her, more confused then ever. “Why? You know they’ll help you if they--”

  “But I can’t depend on them this time. I can’t let my family fight my battles forever. I will fight for my son on my own, Trask. I have to do this. Austin means everything to me and I won’t let them take him away from me.”

  Trask couldn’t help but admire the courage and determination he heard in her voice. But little did she know that she would not be fighting anything alone. He would be there with her all the way. She was his woman, the woman he loved. And Austin had become the son he had always wanted.

  “Even if you don’t want your family’s help, you should have consulted Clayton and Syneda for legal advice. I understand Syneda is one of the best family attorneys in the business, and that her specialty is custody and domestic relations. I’m sure she’ll know exactly how you should proceed with this.”

  Felicia shook her head. “I really didn’t think about that. The only thing I could think about was that I didn’t want my family to come running to my rescue.”

  “But they love you, Felicia, and that’s what being part of a big family is all about; knowing someone will be there when you need them. And that’s what love is all about, too; being there for the person you care a lot about. Remember that.”

  He leaned and kissed her lips before placing her out of his lap and next to him on the sofa. “I’m going to give Clayton and Syneda a call and ask them to come over.”

  He reached out to pick up the phone. Before dialing he turned to Felicia. “Don’t worry, sweetheart. No one is going to take Austin away from you. Trust me.”

  ***

  Syneda Madaris was one sharp attorney, Trask thought as he watched her in action. She knew all the questions to ask, every bit of information to probe and each hypothetical situation to consider.

  And then there was Clayton, who was a prosecutor’s nightmare. He was there to remind Syneda of moot points, irrelevant information, and possible objections. Together they made one dynamic team of lawyers. But what Trask really appreciated was the fact that they were straightforward and honest in letting Felicia know what she would be up against.

  “I wish I could tell you the Gardners’ claim is frivolous and not to worry about it, but I won’t,” Syneda said sadly, but truthfully. “Custody battles aren’t cut and dry like they used to be. The mother doesn’t always win anymore.”

  “But I love Austin and I’m a good mother. I’ve always put him first,” Felicia said in a small, quiet voice.

  Syneda nodded, knowing firsthand that was true. Even when Felicia had lived a self-indulgent lifestyle, she had always put her son first. “That may be the case, but there are some who won’t see it that way,” Syneda responded honestly. “It really will depend on where the petition is filed. California is more liberal than most states, and your past lifestyle won’t be such a factor there. The main focus will be the present. But if it’s filed here in Texas, that’s another story. Most Texans are found to be conservative and moralistic. Your past history will matter, so you may as well prepare yourself for that.”

  “So what are our options?” Trask asked when the room became despondently quiet. Just by looking at Felicia he knew she was clinging harder than heck to her self-control. He could tell that hearing what Syneda was saying was taking a toll on her.

  “Well, if it came to that, we could pull in a bunch of character witnesses who can attest that Felicia is a good mother, but then...”

  Trask noted Syneda’s hesitation.“But then what?”

  Syneda released a deep, heavy sigh. “But then, that’s hoping the opposing side doesn’t find out about Austin’s near drowning incident. Although it was by no means Felicia’s fault, I can see them using it as the sole basis for their complaint.”

  Trask turned and watched Felicia’s reaction to Syneda’s statement. Tears suddenly appeared in her eyes. “It wasn’t your fault, Felicia, and you can’t continue to blame yourself for it,” he said to her.

  “But I should have been with him. I should never had gone out on a date that night and left him with a sitter.”

  “Parents leave kids with baby-sitters all the time, Felicia,” Clayton added. “No court will fault you for that. All Syneda is saying is that evidently the Gardners are people who are used to others being intimidated by their wealth and power. They will try to use anything and everything against you. They won’t play fair, and you just need to be prepared for it. I know this may sound archaic, but it would probably help your case tremendously if you were married now. It would show a sense of commitment and an embracing of family values on your part.”

  Felicia didn’t saying anything for the longest time. Her eyes were downcast and her hands were tightly clasped in her lap. When she did lift her gaze to them and began speaking, her voice was filled with all the dismay that shone in her face. “I’m frightened. Austin is all that I have. I can’t lose him. I can’t.”

  Trask stood and walked over to her and knelt before her. He took her hands in his. “And you won’t. If it takes every penny I have, I’m going to help you fight this thing. You won’t be alone in this, sweetheart.”

  He pulled her down to him, and when her body sagged defeatedly against his, he held her tight to calm her trembling. Pulling her closer, he kissed her hair. “You are a good mother to my son. Don’t ever think otherwise. We’ll do whatever we have to do. Even if it means getting married immediately. And considering the circumstances that may not be such a bad idea.”

  Felicia pulled back out of Trask’s arms to look at him, stunned by the words he’d spoken and the offer he had made. Surely he wasn’t serious. But one look in his eyes told her that he was. In the three weeks that he spent with Austin, he had come to care deeply for him. Just as Austin considered Trask his daddy, Trask had begun thinking of Austin as his son. That was something neither Steven nor Charles had ever really done. And at that moment, she knew he was right. She would not be alone in her fight against the Gardners. Trask would be there with her because he felt he had a personal stake in the outcome as well. He would do anything, even alter his lifestyle for her child. He had already done that by volunteering to be Austin’s holiday dad.

  Tears glistened in Felicia’s eyes as she continued to look at Trask--really look at him. And what she saw went deeper than his handsome outside features. She saw a man who genuinely cared. She couldn’t think of the words to say to tell him just how much claiming Austin as his meant, or how touched she was at his offer of marriage to help win her case. Cupping his face in her han
ds, she leaned down and kissed him.

  Across the room Clayton and Syneda watched the tender scene unfolding before them, doubting very seriously that Trask and Felicia remembered their presence. Clayton held open his arms to his wife and she walked into them.

  “I think it’s time we left. We’ve done all that we can for tonight,” Syneda whispered to her husband.

  “Yeah,” Clayton said, shaking his head at the couple, who were still kissing. When it didn’t appear they were going to come up for air anytime soon, he decided to clear his throat to get their attention. Both pairs of eyes swung to him and Syneda when the couple remembered they were not alone. But neither Trask nor Felicia had the decency to look embarrassed, just annoyed at the interruption.

  A slow smiled curved Clayton’s lips. “Seems like you’ve been playing in Houston’s dirt, Trask.”

  At the bemused looks on Felicia’s and Syneda’s faces, Clayton’s smile widened as he explained, “It’s a private joke.”

  ***

  Trask let himself into his condo feeling tired and strained. He had left Felicia’s house not long after Clayton and Syneda. Although he had read the invitation to stay longer in her eyes, he had placed her needs before his. It was apparent that she needed to rest. Today had definitely been a bear for her. Here it was two days before Christmas and she had to deal with the possibility of losing her son.

  He had kissed her thoroughly before leaving. The flavor of her mouth, the distinctive fragrance of her perfume, and the way her body had fit close to his rammed his memory, making him take a slow, deep breath. Walking away and leaving her tonight had been the hardest thing he’d ever had to do.

  Trask checked his watch before picking up the telephone to make a call. He then dialed the number.

  “Yeah?”

  “Alex, it’s Trask. I need your expertise.”

  “For what?”

  “I want you to do a little investigative work into the background of a man from California by the name of Andrew Gardner.”