His To Claim (The Westmoreland Legacy Book 4) Page 8

  “Better for what, Mac?”

  It was hard to stay focused around her. “Better when we make love again.” He couldn’t think of any better way to pass the time. He glanced over at all that hay. It would certainly serve a good purpose.

  “We won’t be making love again.”

  His head snapped around to look at her. “Excuse me?”

  She drew in a deep breath and those luscious breasts moved in a tantalizing way when she did so. “I said we won’t be making love again. We can’t.”

  Hmm, maybe he needed to refresh her memory.

  “We did. Yesterday. Last night. Before daylight this morning.”

  She nervously nibbled on her bottom lip. That delicious bottom lip. Intrigued, he studied her. He hadn’t seen her do that in a while. She was uptight about something. What?

  “I know but we can’t do it again.”

  He lifted a brow. “Why? Last time I looked we were married, which means we can do just about anything, Teri.”

  “But we shouldn’t have.”

  He heard the agitation in her brusque tone. What the hell was going on here? An awkward silence ensued between them as he looked at her. He was tempted to check her forehead for a possible fever. He’d never, ever recalled a time when they had to put the brakes on making love. They both enjoyed it.

  “There must be a reason you think that, Teri,” he said in what he hoped was his calmest voice. “You want to explain it to me?”

  She didn’t say anything for a minute. “There are two reasons, Mac. First, making love only serves as a Band-Aid on a festering wound between us. It’s time to stop resorting to temporary solutions and try to heal the wound.”

  She made it sound like what was going on between them was something they couldn’t work out. She had committed herself to his way of life when they married. It had been her choice to agree to move around the world whenever he got a new assignment, her choice to forgo her career to advance his. She’d always seemed understanding of those times he hadn’t been there for special occasions and holidays and had done a great job of holding it together for him and their family.

  “We’ll get through this, Teri.”

  “How? By making love? I’m tired of you thinking that’s all it will take. What about my feelings, Mac? I need more from you than sex. I need for you to understand my feelings, trust my decisions, respect my role not only when you’re gone but also when you return home. I need to feel appreciated and like I’m not being taken for granted.”

  He took in everything she’d said. “Okay, now what’s the other reason?”

  She nibbled on her bottom lip again before saying, “The reason is something I should have told you yesterday...before we made love.”

  “Then tell me now,” he said, trying to keep the frustration out of his voice.

  “It’s me.”

  His gaze roamed all over her, and in his mind, she was still the sexiest woman on a pair of gorgeous legs. “What about you?”

  She began nibbling on those lips once again. “Teri,” he said in an impatient voice. “What about you?”

  She met his gaze and held it. “I’m not on any type of birth control.”

  Seven

  Teri watched Mac go still, as if he’d been frozen in place. He was probably standing there remembering how many orgasms they’d shared within the last twenty-four hours. Enough to make a lot of babies if science worked that way. It didn’t. But it had been more than enough times to make one.

  “Any reason you didn’t tell me before now?”

  She could give him plenty of reasons, but they would all come back to one. The main one. “I had missed you and at the time I desperately needed to connect with you.”

  “Okay, I can understand that.”

  She knew he could understand because that was the reason they would make love often whenever he came home. Time apart always made them miss each other and want each other more. They couldn’t wait to connect intimately. But then when their mating frenzies were over, they would be at odds with each other over one thing or another...like they were now.

  “So why didn’t you restart the pill after your pregnancy? You knew I was coming home sooner or later.”

  Whether he realized it or not, he was questioning her actions. Again. It bothered her whenever he did that. “I had rescheduled the surgery and figured I would have it done before you returned.”

  “You rescheduled the surgery?”

  “Yes, it’s scheduled for next week. That’s one of the reasons I came here. I needed to come to terms with losing the baby and to stay focused on what we’d agreed to do and what it would mean to me.”

  He didn’t say anything for the longest time and then he said, “Did it ever occur to you after losing the baby that proceeding with the surgery was something we needed to talk about?”

  She raised an eyebrow. “No, that never occurred to me, Mac. The decision had already been made by us, and I honestly didn’t think it would be back up for discussion, regardless of my pregnancy. I know how you can act when I go back on any decisions we’ve made together.”

  He stared at her for a long moment without saying anything. Then he turned and grabbed a huge armful of hay before walking off.

  * * *

  I know how you can act when I go back on any decisions we’ve made together.

  Teri’s words hit him hard in the gut. As he made several trips back to the trough for hay, he couldn’t say anything but he did dwell on what she’d said. She had done a good job of reminding him just what an ass he could be at times. An inflexible ass.

  Why was it so hard for him to loosen his grip on control? Mainly because he didn’t see it as control but as looking out for someone. In this case, Teri and the girls.

  He’d never intended for Teri to work outside the home once they started having kids. She’d known it and had seemed fine with the thought of being a stay-at-home mom. She’d loved children as much as he did, and they wanted a houseful. Only, things were hard with a household. He didn’t want to add to Teri’s burden while he was away, and they’d decided to call it quits at three. Then they’d agreed for a fourth, hoping it would be a boy, but regardless, a fourth child was the limit. They had enough love and money for four, but part of him couldn’t help remembering how he’d grown up. The hardship. Mentally, the cost felt high, especially with all the activities in their children’s futures and the rising cost of college educations.

  The decision not to have any more kids had been one they’d both been okay with. For him her unexpected pregnancy was a game changer. Maybe it should not have been, but it was. At least for him, and he felt bad that she couldn’t see that.

  What if he’d come home two weeks from now instead of two days ago? She would have had the surgery by then. And what bothered him more than anything was that she felt that was what he would have expected. He wished he could claim that she didn’t know him at all, if she believed that, but all he could say was that she thought it because she did know him.

  When Mac returned with the last load of hay, he glanced over at Teri and saw what she’d done. She had separated the hay into two stacks to make separate beds for them. That was quite obvious now that she’d spread the blankets over the hay. Did she honestly think they wouldn’t be sleeping together?

  “What are you doing, Teri?”

  Without looking up she said, loud enough for him to hear, “What does it look like I’m doing?”

  Mac rubbed a hand down his face in frustration. “We aren’t going to have separate beds. It’s going to get cold tonight.”

  She looked up at him. “It won’t be the first time I’ve had to keep myself warm, Mac.”

  That was a low blow, he thought. Was she itching for a fight? If so, one quick way to do it was to start complaining about the time he was gone from home as a SEAL. She’d known the score
when she married him.

  “Fine. Suit yourself.”

  She would discover soon enough just how cold it got in here at night. It didn’t matter one iota what season it was—autumn, winter, spring or summer—since they were practically buried beneath the earth.

  “I’m turning out the light now,” he said, just seconds before he did it.

  “Why did you do that?” she asked and he could hear the near hysteria in her voice.

  “To save the battery,” he said. He figured the answer was obvious.

  “I haven’t gotten ready for bed.”

  What was there to get ready for? It wasn’t as if they were at some hotel. They would be sleeping in their clothes. Tomorrow, when he hoped there would be more light, he would move around and explore. If there was another opening out of this place, he intended to find it.

  He had dropped down to the bed of hay and covered up with the blanket. He could hear movement where Teri was and wondered what she was doing but decided not to ask. He was following the advice of the marriage counselor they had gone to that time. He’d said, When you feel yourself getting angry, allow yourself time to calm down and reflect and remember. Definitely remember. You have to force your mind to recall what drew the two of you together in the first place.

  His answer to that question was simple. It had been Teri’s smile. It didn’t just touch her lips but extended to her eyes, as well. Then it had been her body. It was definitely a body any man would love looking at. Then it had been her warm sense of humor.

  It suddenly occurred to him that he saw less and less of that sense of humor each time he returned home. Why? Was any of that his fault? Probably. Just like it was his fault that she believed she had to have that surgical procedure done despite her unexpected pregnancy. He shifted in bed, thinking it was a damn shame he and Teri were doing something tonight they’d never done in the years they’d been married, which was to sleep in separate beds while he was home.

  He figured she had a lot to think about and so did he. Tomorrow they would talk. When he heard the even sound of her breathing, he knew she’d drifted off to sleep and he allowed his eyes to drift closed to do the same. And he dreamed about how he’d made love to her that morning before she’d left to go riding.

  How he’d kissed her awake with a desperation he wasn’t aware he could experience. And how she had reciprocated, letting her tongue duel with his. He’d pulled her closer to him, not only needing to taste her but needing to feel her all over. His hands ran all over her naked body, down her back, before cupping her backside. He’d always loved the feel of her in his arms and this morning hadn’t been an exception. He’d been gone for long periods of time before, but this had been one of the longest in years. He hadn’t realized just how much he’d missed her until he’d begun making love to her.

  And when he’d straddled her, the moan she’d emitted when his hard erection had slid inside of her, pressing her into the mattress, spurred him to go deeper. The moment he was buried inside her he went still, savoring the feel of his engorged flesh held tight in her warm, wet body.

  It took everything he had within, his total control as a SEAL, every ounce of restraint he possessed, not to explode inside of her at that moment. He’d fought the urge to do so. It had been the questioning look in her eyes, and then her question of, “What are you waiting for?” that had made him start moving. Made him thrust hard and then harder. It was that question that had made him tip his head back and growl while appreciating how it felt to sink deeper still into her body.

  More than once he had to make sure she was right there with him, especially those times when he was a mere heartbeat away from climaxing. The room had been filled with her moans as he continued to stroke nonstop inside of her. Those moans of pleasure had driven him to kiss her harder and longer, and to thrust repeatedly inside her body.

  As he drifted deeper and deeper into sleep in the recesses of his dreams, he could still hear those moans.

  * * *

  Teri woke up. No matter how much she tried, she couldn’t get warm. She shifted her position again and had a feeling her toes were frozen. She needed Mac’s body heat. Point-blank, she needed Mac. Besides, she owed him an apology.

  She should not have made that wisecrack about being used to keeping herself warm. That hadn’t been fair to him. She’d known what he did for a living when she married him but she couldn’t imagine living without him. He couldn’t keep her warm when he was gone and that wasn’t his fault. And whenever he was home, he not only kept her warm on cold nights, but he also made her feel loved and protected. So why was he over there and she over here?

  Because they’d had one of their disagreements, the ones that were happening way too often. But this time it was serious—it had included another life, one they’d shared in making. And she knew that, like always, any decisions on how they moved forward would be shared by them, as well.

  Not able to stop shivering, she stood and grabbed her cover and moved over to where Mac lay. As if he’d been expecting her, Mac pulled himself up in a sitting position and reached out a hand to her. She grasped it and he drew her close to ease down beside him. He didn’t say anything. Not even “I told you so.” But then, that was Mac’s way whenever he was proven right. He wouldn’t dig it in. He probably figured swallowing her pride was enough humiliation.

  When he practically wrapped his body into hers, she immediately felt warm and couldn’t help sighing. “Thanks, Mac.”

  “Don’t ever thank me for taking care of what’s mine, Teri,” he whispered close to her ear, causing her body to shiver again. However, this time it was for a different reason.

  Teri knew that to anyone else, his words would sound too possessive, as if she was an object he owned. She knew that wasn’t the case. He was merely stating what was the truth. She was his—heart, body and soul—like he was hers. But still, that made her wonder how two people so into each other the way they were could be at odds with each other as much as they were.

  They had different personalities. She got that. The marriage counselor they’d met with for an entire three months had made sure they understood that. They’d been backsliding and now it was up to the both of them to get back on track. But the issues they were dealing with now were pretty major and he didn’t know the half of it.

  “Mac?”

  “Yes.”

  “I’m sorry about what I said about you not being home to keep me warm on cold nights. I didn’t mean it the way it sounded.”

  “No harm done.”

  She had found a comfortable position and was about to drift off when Mac’s voice stopped her. “Teri?”

  He shifted his body around to face her and automatically, she threw her leg over his thigh. Too late she realized that wasn’t a good move. “Yes?”

  “I’m sorry you thought I would not have understood or supported your decision to delay having the surgery. I would have.”

  She didn’t say anything for a minute. “Dr. Gleason told me I could reschedule the surgery a month ago but emotionally, I couldn’t do it. I just wasn’t ready. That’s why it’s scheduled for next week. At least it was.”

  There was no reason to tell him that it wouldn’t be happening for a couple of reasons. First of all, even if they were rescued, there was no way she would feel up to having any type of surgery done. But the most important reason was that when they’d made love they hadn’t used protection. That meant there was a possibility she could be pregnant now. Why didn’t the thought of that bother her? In fact, the thought of having another baby lifted her spirits.

  “And now you could be pregnant again.”

  His words had her looking over at him. So that possibility did occur to him. “Yes. How do you feel about that, Mac?”

  “How would any man feel when the woman he loves carries his child? I just worry about your burden while I’m away. And I don’t want our
children to want for anything.”

  “You have always provided for us. The girls and I have never wanted for anything.”

  “But I want to give you more.”

  She wondered if he would ever realize that “more” wasn’t everything and having each other was enough. “You can only do so much, Mac.”

  “How do you feel about us having another child, Teri?”

  “Do you want me to be truthful?”

  “No, Teri. I expect you to be truthful.”

  Yes, he would. “Then my answer is that I love the idea, Mac. Tasha is getting more independent and she doesn’t want to be thought of as a baby anymore. She wants to be a big girl like Tatum and Tempest. I hate seeing my babies grow up.”

  “But they do,” he said, being the voice of reason as usual.

  “Yes, they do, and I know I can’t replace one baby with another when that happens, Mac.”

  He didn’t say anything for a minute. “I just worry about you, when I’m away. And I still think about how hard I had it growing up. I know that although we agreed not to have any more kids, deep down you would have been happy having a houseful.”

  He was right about that. She would love to have a houseful. Being the only child had been the pits.

  “Yes, but I understood, Mac.”

  She loved her husband and knew carefully watching their finances was something he felt responsible for doing because of his background. Even though they had plenty. That made telling him about her purchase of the ranch that much harder.

  “You said you have something else to tell me. What is it?”

  Since they were talking, this would be the perfect opportunity to come clean and tell him everything. But she couldn’t. It was lousy timing and she wasn’t ready. However, she would be ready in the morning. She promised herself.